It’s been almost a year since I left school (9 months, to be exact; I could have had a child in that period lol). Today I woke up tired of the routine I put up (a routine I can't seem to stick to). I woke up tired of going to learn this trade that is not giving me any income (atm). I woke up tired of putting up with the BS my siblings dish me every day – sibling squabbles. I can’t believe that, at my big age of 21, it still gets under my skin as much as it does.
But yeah, I am as tired and frustrated as any broke person can be.
I have to count my change and do mental maths every time I want to purchase something just for the fun of it.
P.s I can’t afford it, and I don’t have any source of income to afford it, and the “mummy please” is getting old and ineffective. I can literally feel my mum tired of giving me money; I can almost hear the "you should be ashamed" as she passes me the naira notes.
Naira that keeps depreciating daily. Just this week a girl on TikTok called out our president for being terrible, and it was almost as though my well-curated Patrick Stone was lifted, and suddenly I am no longer in a well-furnished house but sunk deep in the reality of this country. The ocean bed of wastefulness.
I feel useless; it’s an almost physically present feeling suffocating me at the base of my throat. I have doubts about my life and about my future, and I’m trying not to be short-sighted, but I’m sooo tired of being positive; it stings. I just had a brawl with my mum, so it feeels very present again- this blue elephant in the room.
I almost beat my sister yesterday!
It’s giving that frustrated aunty that passes aggression to everyone around her. I don’t want to be her! But I can’t help it.
I know I should talk to God; I usually come to him with these, but I don’t know.
Call me sadistic, but sometimes I like to feel the sting before I go to him to give me solutions and calmness.
It sucks to be an adult, unemployed and done with school in these times.
Actually, I blame NYSC; if they had taken me with my mates, at least I would have something, no matter how small. I hate feeling like this and so dependent on everyone else.
It’s humiliating.
I know I’m going to be fine and eventually I’ll make something of this life and God will come through, but yeah, for now I’m just tired.
But I still love you guys. Oh, how I love writing! So you mean to tell me instead of wallowing in my pain, I can get you guys to wallow in it with me... that's amazing!! This is what true love is; every other version is b.s. I come to you angry, come to you sad, come to you joyful and come to you to relax.
Substack, my little hidden pleasure
Since I can't afford real love, I'm grateful I have you guys.
I have a new pub in the works. 25 reasons why you should be single – this is definitely one of them. I can't have someone's son say I picked you up from the gutters, me with my pride.
Don't worry about me, though; I will be fine. I woke up feeling better with this song on my lips.
I hope you’re not as tired and frustrated.
Till next time, poodles.
Go forth and shine 🙂❤
(for us both 🤲)
Moving piece.
I know this is coming very late. I’m sorry for reading and replying to your piece after 500 hundred years. It’s felt like a year and half over here for me.
With that said, I hope you’re doing okay now and things are lightening up a bit for you. Cheering you on 👏👏👏